One Year Ago

Before I begin, a big thank you to all those who have reached out recently. Your messages of support, optimism, and understanding are deeply meaningful to me.

The seasons are coming around to the cold time of year, and so I brought my tropical plants in for the winter. They seem to be settling in nicely.

Plants in their winter quarters

As the season changes, I find myself thinking back to last year at this time. A year ago yesterday I woke up with a pain in my side. It stayed, getting worse and worse until I finally ended up in the emergency room in mid-December, then in the oncology ward, and then in the endoscopy ward for a biopsy in early January. A week after my first infusion of chemotherapy and immunotherapy in early February, the pain cleared.

This year is different. I'm looking forward to a pain-free Thanksgiving with visiting loved ones, and a Christmas season with no hospital stays. I continue to struggle with fatigue, but the demands on me are low enough that I can manage.

Last year was awful, but it was also—in the absence of a diagnosis—a more innocent time. I kept thinking that surely they'd soon find out what was wrong with me and be able to fix it. 

The truth turned out to be more complicated.

I saw my oncologist yesterday, and he was very happy about my scan. He says he's pretty confident now that I'll be in the minority of patients who achieve survival times of three or more years on the treatment I'm getting. But he also said I will always require close monitoring for renewed progression.

Maybe by next year this time this state of affairs will seem normal.